London Riots: Theatre Special

So with the world, his wife  and their media entourage encamped in Edinburgh for the next few weeks, it asks the question of how those cosmopolitan metrosexuals of the capital can keep themselves entertained.

Well having asked the question, this week we got our answers… And our survey said that out of 100 participants the top two responses were:

 1) Looting

                               2) Appearing in court for looting

However for those who believe that life may have more to offer than G-Star Jeans, shiny new Nikes and £3000 of Rothman Superkings then there  is still the vibrant London theatre-scene…or not, an unfortunate consequence of the rioting meant that much of theatreland closed early to avoid the less than desirable impact of having your audience flambéed during the climax to Love Never Dies (the relief at being put of your misery twenty minutes early notwithstanding).

Having said that, every good rioter deserves favour now and again. And doing my bit to save London’s theatre, I suggest the following West End plays that are suitable for both rioters and vigilantes alike:

1) Hamlet – Young Vic

Shakespeare’s masterpiece about an emotionally troubled young man with an absent father. Watch as Hamlet slowly goes off the rails without the existence of strong familial discipline. Attempts from wise elders, young friends and even his own mother are unable to reign him in and the end, when it comes, is as tragic as it is sadly predictable.

2) Aladdin – Lyric Hammersmith

Experience the thrills and spills of Aladdin’s adventure to steal a magic lamp from a hardworking small business owner. Gasp in awe and laugh with delight as you watch Aladdin’s hilarious mishaps as he attempts to escape the local fuzz while holding on to a bin-liner stuffed with swag. And don’t worry folks, its just a pantomime so we can rest assured that Aladdin will get away with it and get the girl in the end.

3) Jerusalem – Apollo Theatre

A vision of life in our green and pleasant land. Follow Johnny Byron, spokesman for the everyday man as he faces eviction by the Council and hostility from the local community.

4) Les Miserables – Queen’s Theatre

Follow Jean Valjean,our hero and a former prisoner, who is pursuedrelentlessly by his nemesis, the policeman, Javert. Featuring the most convincing portrayals of civil disorder ever captured on the London stage and stuffed full of famous songs that you will have heard at riots up and down the land, you too can sing along with popular classics such as ‘Do you hear the people sing?’ and ‘At the barricades’

5) Accomplice – Menier Chocolate Factory

Described as part-tour, part-game, part-theatre, this innovative production takes people on a tour of Southwark. Constantly evolving, what started as a rather staid interactive mystery on the streets of London has turned into the capital’s hot ticket with new attractions including a burned out cornershop and a ransacked Lush. In this uniquely immersive productions, participants are able to throw bricks at police and indulge in a spot of light GBH in full-view of the much-loved London CCTV network. Smile for the camera guys!

Honorable Mention

Betty Blue Eyes – Novello Theatre

10% discount for English Defence League members.

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