Rosenstern and Guildenctanz are dead (with apologies to Mr Stoppard)

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead

Theatre Royal Haymarket

Booking until 20 August


(Lights Up)
ROSENSTERN: (Tosses a coin, checks the result and repeats) Heads…Heads…Heads…Heads…
GUILDENCRANTZ: (Interrupting) Does it ever feel to you like we’ve done all this before?
ROSENSTERN: How do you mean?
GUILDENCRANTZ: That we’re stuck in a rut. Going through the same things day after day.
ROSENSTERN: (Considering this) We were someone else before.
GUILDENCRANTZ: Yes but that’s history. We were boys back then.
ROSENSTERN: True. (Pause) And now we’re here?
GUILDENCRANTZ: (looking around) Alone…but at least we’re the centre of attention. It’s all about us.
ROSENSTERN:  I thought the play’s the thing?
GUILDENCRANTZ: Oh you can do anything with a play, words are flexible. Anyway people know us now; we’re stars in own right.
ROSENSTERN: We’re recognisable
GUILDENCRANTZ: indistinguishable. You’ve seen us once, you’ve seen us anywhere.
ROSENSTERN: Or everywhere.
GUILDENCRANTZ: See, we’ll fit right in, like we’ve always been there. (Pause) Are you sure we haven’t done this before.
ROSENSTERN: (Tossing a coin) Heads…
GUILDENCRANTZ: This all seems very familiar. (Enter the reviewer). Who are you? We were expecting someone else.
REVIEWER: I think there’s been a misunderstanding, I’m not an actor; I’m supposed to be reviewing the play.
GUILDENCRANTZ: No, no. This does not make any sense at all. You’re not in the script. The audience won’t stand for it.
ROSENSTERN: We don’t have to tell them do we? (Indicating to the reviewer) He can try his best.
GUILDENCRANTZ: It will be a surprise but audiences get used to anything.
REVIEWER: If it remains relevant.
GUILDENCRANTZ: (aghast) relevant. Outrageous
ROSENSTERN: Scandalous
GUILDENCRANTZ: Preposterous. Creations like this are timeless.
GUILDENCRANTZ: We are an exegesis on existentialism.
ROSENSTERN A deconstruction of determinism.
GUILDENCRANTZ: The product of a precocious talent.
ROSENSTERN: (Firmly) Two precocious talents.
REVIEWER: (Frustrated) Yes but do you have anything new to add. Is there a purpose to all this wordplay? Does it go anywhere or is it all, well, just a little bit pretentious.
GUILDENCRANTZ: Pretention? Purpose? (To Rosenstern) Have you ever felt so offended? (To read more click here)

Around the web

As usual the gigantic world of the blogosphere is putting me to shame in terms of creative output. Whilst I summon up the mental fortitude to begin writing a review of Emperor and Galilean, Ibsen’s monumental effort that deserves to be ranked alongside Michael Cimino’s Heaven’s Gate in terms of auterial epic fail, here are some of the more interesting things that are going on elsewhere:

1) For those who like their blogging hi-tech then you should head over to theatreVOICE (because capitalisation is so 19th century). I have recently discovered this impressive site but just a quick delve into the archives reveals a rich back catalogue of debate and analysis that dips into all area’s of theatre.

2) Whilst I fully intend to dedicate a full post to the wonderful Digital Theatre in due course, in the meantime you should most definitely visit their homepage. There is a long way to go but it finally seems as if their might be a decent way of watching expensive and sold-out shows in the comfort of your own home. Having downloaded the Open Air Theatre’s production of Into the Woods, I can confirm there is still work to do but it is definitely worth checking out.

3) Lyn Gardner talks to Felix Barrett, director of The Crash of the Elysium, and it makes me wish I was a child.

4) I went to see Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead and it is somewhere on the ‘to be written’ pile; there could be some sub-Stoppardian conceit in that but as it is you can read an even-handed assessment at Everything Theatre

5) A pithy review of A Women Killed With Kindness which opens on July 19th at the National.

6) And falling neatly into ‘And in other news…’ we can all learn about the fascinating history of a well-travelled suitcase over at the fabulous London Particulars.